were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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