Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
