So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Never underestimate the power of titties
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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