Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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