Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
