he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
