maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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