It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
