Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
