Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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