At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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