you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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