So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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