he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im holly from the hills drunk
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
