ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
