Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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