I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
