Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
