matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
