I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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