Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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