im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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