Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
