hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i drank out of a bidet.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
