i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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