Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
