Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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