I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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