i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
