You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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