I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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