i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
