i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize