i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
