Apparently you make a good broom.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
