one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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