We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize