I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize