maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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