i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
