We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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