with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
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How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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