I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
