R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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