I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't deserve a penis
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
