The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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