it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
