I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
