I think my fart just growled at me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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