i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
