i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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