You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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