He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
