did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
