My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
