I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
