My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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