I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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