I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
